I fell asleep last night somewhere between 8 and 10 pm, and that is as close of a window as I can get. As I said to one of my short bus drivers this week, it used to be a sign of weakness or a lack of social life if I ever changed to pajamas before midnight; now I think it’s a late night if I’m not comfy by 9:45 pm.

I’m turning into my parents. Maybe I even skipped a generation and went straight to my grandparents.

The trade-off is that I’m also not sleeping long or late. Most mornings now I wake up in agony at around 3 am because my right hip is burning (not at all fibromyalgia pain, so I’m thinking it’s the Lyme), or my left shoulder is angry. I had to sleep on my left side for three years because all of my surgeries used to be done on my right side, so I’ve got a nerve impingement that I’ve had to do shoulder rehab for twice already in four years. It’s not responding to the exercises I have memorized and it’s now doing a weird thing like it’s popping out of and then back into socket. I finally broke down and called my primary care doctor’s office yesterday to get set up with PT and pain management.

As I hunker down in the early morning with my cough drops and water and browse through my WP Reader, a thought strikes me: I no longer think in poetry. I can no longer bear to read poetry.

I think pain has rewired me so that I avoid the most descriptive and flowery words, or think of the significance of pauses and stanzas. I am in the economy car. I want the most efficient features possible for my money (aka time). I want to get in and get out.

And I want people to rethink their use of commas.

I hope that when I’m not being driven by pain, I can return to the imagery and thoughtfulness of poetry, because I know there is some fabulous stuff being put out there for all to read. I don’t want to forever close the door on that appreciation. (However, my stance on the proper usage of commas will never change.)