Month: May 2017

A Really Adult Post About Male Sexuality

Posted on by akiwifreund

A friend posted this article on Facebook. Many years ago I had wanted to be a sex educator, so reading anything that has to do with sexuality in the clinical or psychological setting is fascinating to me. A friend pointed out that it’s an article that is probably aimed towards women who want to find out more about the penis. Maybe, but then again, maybe not. I think that women have to steer men in the direction of talking about these things, or at least feeling safer about talking about these things, just as this author did.

There are a couple of things that stood out to me. First, there are not many opportunities to examine a transgender penis, much less talk about one. They are often portrayed in television shows as grotesque, malformed masses only briefly glimpsed during bloody surgeries, never as final products. This article (and this picture) allows me time to actually look for as long as I want to and marvel at how far this type of surgery has come. I mean, really, genius! Go for the big penis! When I was facing my hysterectomy, I had jokingly asked my OB/GYN to make my vagina slightly longer because the big penises were posing a real problem. She laughed, of course.

Second, I had a partner with a micropenis. And neither of us handled it very well. I was in my 20s and had just moved to Arizona. He was quite handsome and we got on very well, but it all fell apart when we had sex. B. felt ashamed and inadequate, so he overcompensated to the extreme. He would demand that I would tell him he was “filling me up” when in fact the condom couldn’t even stay on. Fully erect, he was about the size of my thumb. B. was frenzied in his thrusting and when it was all over claimed it was the best he had ever had. I was just dazed. In the days after, I told him that I didn’t think that we were a good match. He kept asking why. I couldn’t bring myself to say it. But it wasn’t a relationship first and then sex, it was sex first, and I was just not equipped to bring him through the minefield. Of course I’m hoping that he found someone to love.

Third, I wish more men would quit porn. I mean it. The violence, the fake body parts, the fake orgasms, the fake positions, only being able to orgasm by jerking off fast and hard? It makes for a shitty sex life. And it’s not because I’m not doing enough to keep men interested. If you’re bored, then you’re boring.

Without further ado, here is the article: Me and My Penis: 100 Men Reveal All

Retrain My Brain – Gupta Amygdala Retraining Programme Review

Posted on by akiwifreund

People often ask me just what it is that I do with all of my time now that I’m stuck in bed. I love writing and I count myself lucky to have been included in the Chronic Illness Bloggers network, and given many opportunities to try products I wouldn’t otherwise have access to. I have been given this product as part of a product review through the Chronic Illness Bloggers network. Although the product was a gift, all opinions in this review remain my own and I was in no way influenced by the company.

This particular series, The Gupta Amygdala Retraining Programme, is being offered by a doctor who was laid low by chronic fatigue syndrome (which I will shorten to the commonly known acronym CFS), which is also referred to as myalgic encephalomyelitis (the acronym ME for short). The Centers for Disease Control states: “CFS is a debilitating and complex disorder characterized by profound fatigue that is not improved by bed rest and that may be worsened by physical or mental activity. Symptoms affect several body systems and may include weakness, muscle pain, impaired memory and/or mental concentration, and insomnia, which can result in reduced participation in daily activities.” (https://www.cdc.gov/cfs/) The CDC also indicates on their site that despite trying their best to figure out what triggers CFS, they haven’t pinpointed the cause. It could be a number of infections, it could be autoimmune related, it could be something in the central nervous system; they’re just not certain.

I was given this program because I have fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia shares some of the CFS/ME qualities – mainly crushing fatigue and pain that does not go away with a good night’s sleep. Dealing with constant pain and fatigue also changes your brain and your outlook, affecting the way that you interact with the people around you, as well as your ability to handle your own sickness, or wellness, as it were.

The very first thing I noticed when I opened up my packet was this map from Dr. Gupta.
20170522_092902If you can’t tell, this piece is quite large and almost covers my entire area rug. As we found out, it is an interactive practice piece that you actually stand on and use to help retrain your brain to stop negative thinking.

The other items included in the package were a workbook and a set of audio and video DVDs.
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I was signed up for weekly interactive web meetings as well. In our first meeting, we were introduced to Dr. Gupta, and informed that the web meetings were actually the most important part of the program, and that the DVDs, workbook and practice poster were supporting materials.

The web meetings were 12 weeks long total, so it is quite a commitment if you decide to join the program. And there is a lot of material to cover. However, if you think about it, some of us have been sick for years. I’ve been sick for two decades. 12 weeks is really a drop in the bucket. It’s just a matter of adjusting your schedule and making room, just as you would for a physical workout program. You want to lose the weight? You do an hour at the gym. You want to lose the disease? You do a few hours a week at the Gupta program. 

So what is amygdala retraining? Basically, it’s to stop the negative feedback loop so you can start healing. Your body feels bad, so your mind gets stuck thinking, “I’m not good enough, I don’t don’t deserve friends if I’m going to bring them down, I don’t deserve love, I’m a terrible person, I’m a loser, I can’t do anything right, I hate my body, I’m going to stay sick forever,” etc. If you can get rid of that negative feedback, you can also retrain your brain to start a positive flow of thoughts, including, “I will allow my body to relax, I will feel comfort, I will smile, I’m choosing health and happiness, I trust myself.”

And back to that interactive poster that’s on the ground: That’s the “Stop! Stop! Stop!” technique that Dr. Gupta often refers to as part of the retraining. He encouraged us through the course of the initial training to actually follow the steps on the poster: think the negative thoughts, then hold out our hands and think or say, “Stop! Stop! Stop!” Then we would breathe and smile, return to our loving self, then choose to take the loving path and be kinder to ourselves in our thinking, then visualize health and happiness. We would repeat these steps over and over again – at first slowly, then faster, as if picking up anything that feels clunky at first but then suddenly becomes second nature.

Throughout his sessions he often took breaks for us to breathe, or meditate. We also had time to ask questions or interact. Dr. Gupta warned us that there would be times when emotions would bubble up and sometimes get the best of us. I tend to be pretty stoic except when it comes to dealing with my neurologist and neurosurgeons, so I was surprised when even I had a web session that affected me emotionally. The point is to not hold everything back so that our ego doesn’t get in the way of getting better.

The DVDs and audio CDs are helpful because there are some meditations included, and meditation is one area where I always need improvement and assistance.

Dr. Gupta does advise for anyone going through this program that the changes will be gradual, and to not expect anything earth-shattering immediately; after all, anything shocking would set us back, not make us better. Six months would be a good goal for feeling a significant improvement if you do the work with sincerity. 

I’m grateful to have these materials at hand for the long haul so I can refer back to them as often as I need to – because there’s so much to learn, and I’ll definitely need a refresher from time to time. And Dr. Gupta records all of his sessions so that we may go back and rewatch (or if you couldn’t make it to the session in real time, you can watch at your convenience). I did personally notice a certain calmness and lightness after each session, and I do feel like my attitude has shifted towards all of my diseases; I’m choosing right now to be loved and to be worthy of love, and maybe that will shift again in the near future to another positive focus as I journey on.

Dr. Gupta’s Website:  http://www.guptaprogramme.com/

Is It Time For A Vacation Yet?

Posted on by akiwifreund

I’d like to take some time off from my daily life. I’m not sure if that’s allowed, since I have loads of time off already – my only job is to rest and get ready for the next doctor appointment. But still, I’d like to look at something other than these four walls. In fact, I’d like my old life back and a reason to take a vacation. 

Anyway, yesterday was my birthday, and a couple of friends flew up from Colorado, and we decided to brave the largest art event in the U.S. – the Art-a-Whirl in Northeast Minneapolis. What was happening in one warehouse would have covered what most cities considered an arts festival, but this event takes over miles. We just stayed within the limits of where the complimentary trolley traveled. Even with the trolley my phone tracked 7,000 steps for me yesterday. That’s a personal record (and comes with a cost, because I’ll be in bed for most of the week with the exception of one appointment tomorrow morning and Wednesday morning). My legs were having none of it. They were starting to spasm in the last building we visited.

I did pick up one little piece of art, which reminds me of a line I’ve heard over and over in my dating life:
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Genie In A Bottle – EnviroKlenz Review

Posted on by akiwifreund

I have been given this product as part of a product review through the Chronic Illness Bloggers network. Although the product was a gift, all opinions in this review remain my own and I was in no way influenced by the company.

Have you ever gotten on an elevator an nearly choked from the heavy cloud of perfume or cologne that is hanging there? The worst part is that sometimes the culprit isn’t even there, they’ve just left a toxic plume behind them. I also dread shopping and walking down aisles that contain cleaning products like laundry soaps, air fresheners, fabric sprays and softeners, surface and floor cleaners, and dish detergents. Can I hold my breath for that long? Maybe. But inevitably I also break out from hives. Why is that?

Well, I don’t just have allergies. I have SUPER allergies. I have mast cell activation disease. When I tell people that I’m allergic to something, inevitably they ask me why I don’t just take a Benadryl and be done with it. Boy, if only it was that simple. Among a huge list of things, I’m allergic to “fragrance.” You would not believe what “fragrance” shows up in. And the allergy manifests in my body by showing up as a skin irritant – a hive – because it’s floating through the air, or my skin somehow comes in contact with it, and as an asthma attack. For instance, I have gotten nasty bouts of contact dermatitis that have turned into skin infections, all because “fragrance” is one of the ingredients in Dermabond and Dermabond was used on one of my many abdominal surgeries. Who needs Dermabond to smell pretty? I’ve never noticed a particular rosy smell to it, to be honest.

I see friends who themselves have allergies and asthma or kids who do and then wonder why they have uncontrollable reactions, and it’s because they load up on fragrances and chemicals. I mix my own surface cleaners and laundry detergent because I want my environment to have the best foot forward for me. But sometimes it takes a lot of rinsing and a lot of vinegar and a lot of airing to rid just-washed fabrics of even the most simple hand-mixed detergent. If I’m not careful, leaving any kind of fragrance in my environment can mean that I’m covered in hives and I’m wheezing all night rather than sleeping.

Enter the EnviroKlenz Laundry Enhancer. I actually tried this product via three different ways: a traditional top-loader machine, an HE machine, and hand washing. The idea behind it is that it neutralizes any scent that may still be incorporated in the detergent so that any additional rinsing or vinegar becomes unnecessary. Most importantly it’s chemical free and eco-friendly. 

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For the top loading machine and hand washing, you add your detergent and the EnviroKlenz Laundry Enhancer to the water first, let the water fill half full, and then add the laundry. The HE machine’s directions will be followed with everything being added in the detergent drawer as usual.

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After I got through all of my cycles of laundry, I laid down in it. I breathed deep. I buried my face in it. And I couldn’t smell anything. I waited to see if I got any hives, either on my face or my arms, because those are the usual culprits, and nothing happened. I waited much longer to see if I got a whistle in my lungs. Nothing.

Later I laid down again (because I don’t spend much time out of bed), and again, I didn’t notice any particular scent, nor any hives or asthma. Also, it’s important to note that I didn’t notice a specific sour smell to the fabrics. Sometimes when I do laundry I miss the old days of the “fresh laundry” smell – that smell that we have all been sold on by the chemical companies, that their manufactured smells are “fresh” smells, but then everything swings to the opposite side of the pendulum and just smells sour and flat, as if it has never been laundered at all. My fabrics didn’t smell either way, just neutral.

By the way, if you prefer a powder product rather than a liquid to achieve the same results, they have you covered!

One universal product from EnviroKlenz that I’m especially excited to try next is the Everyday Odor Eliminator, which is safe to use on fabrics as well as hard surfaces including hardwood floors. Do you do yoga? Do you want to freshen things up a bit? Put one part Everyday Odor Eliminator to four parts fresh tap water into a spray bottle and spray down your area, then wipe down the excess. It’s safe for pet areas too, including pet beds! They lick the pads of their feet – do you really want them to lick chemicals? No! 

Here’s pamphlet further explaining more of their products, and of course, I have already set you up with a link to their website. We have become far too dependent on chemicals and EnviroKlenz is a safe way to scrub your environment of toxins.
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