I was contacted by this guy on OKCupid, and his profile seemed very promising. A few things stuck out: first, he grew up in the bible belt and he is staunchly NON-religious like me; second, he’s able to construct sentences correctly; third, he’s handsome and tall so he can do things like see the top of the fridge without having to dig out a step stool. I was busy for most of the day yesterday so I didn’t log into OKC until it was after midnight. Here is our conversation from last night:
Him: I am very interested in having you proofread my profile. Seriously though, I spend a great deal of time lamenting how very few people have any idea what an apostrophe is for these days. I don’t know whether it was always the case, and Facebook just revealed it, or if this is a new issue.
Me: I think Facebook revealed the issue. I have a friend who was formerly a high school teacher and who is now home schooling her 7-year-old twins. Recently she posted something that said “Morning’s!”. I nearly lost my mind.
Him: I guess so. Most people don’t spend their high school years reading peers’ papers, so don’t notice until later in life.
Me: That sounds correct. I probably would have fallen out of my chair if I would have had to read some of my classmates’ material, or tried to. Do you write, or are you strictly a reader?
Him: I write on and off. I don’t do it regularly enough, but I always take it up again. I’m probably going to make the jump from fiction to nonfiction soon.
Me: I hate to do this so quickly after just starting to chat, but I have to get up fairly early tomorrow, so I need to call it a night. Would you care to try to chat soon?
Him: Of course. I didn’t realize that it was after midnight. Let’s try this earlier next time.
Me: Sounds great! Sleep well.
Him: Dobranac.
This appears to be a pretty sane exchange, correct? It’s reasonable that I didn’t realize how late it was, and that I said, “Hey, let’s try this again; for now I need to go to bed.”
This morning I received a message from him saying:
Him: Good morning. I hope you are having a good day. Yes I would like to chat. I just need to what hours are better for you. Last night, I was merely responding to your messages at the time that they came in.
Tonight I responded and said:
Me: I looked at the clock last night and was surprised by the late hour is all – I thought I would have been tired before then. Sometimes I have to get up early, I don’t always have a set schedule. I hope you have had a good day. Mine ended up being busy up to this minute, surprisingly. Tomorrow I won’t be on at all.
Him: I’ll have some free time tomorrow, Chelsea.
Me: Ah. Well, I have PT, then I have to take care of my young nephews all day until about 11 at night (we’re going to a concert since they’re off from school), so I won’t be signing in.
Him: You don’t have to alert me when you’re signing on.
So that didn’t take long at all for him to fly his freak flag. First he asks me for an idea of when I’ll be on so we can chat, then he tells me he doesn’t want to be “alerted.”
I typed a bunch of smart ass replies to him but in the end didn’t send any of them, because a nagging voice in my head was singing, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all,” so that guy gets radio silence. But if I would have responded, here’s some examples of what I had typed and ready to go:
– I was merely responding to your request to know when I would be logging into OKCupid to chat
– You mentioned you would be on tomorrow and I responded that I wouldn’t be as a normal flow of conversation
– Do people ever get tired of you starting fights with them even when you are in agreement with them?
The Sick and the Dating 
Everybody is scared, protective and slightly defensive. If he gets back in touch, give it another go. If NOT . . . his lost.
xx,
mgh
(Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMore dot com)
– ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder –
“It takes a village to transform a world!”
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Maybe “bad” was the wrong adjective; “confused” might be better. He only has to look at what he wrote, which isn’t much at all, to see where it started to tank. Then again, not everyone is good at self-examination.
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Yep! In my long and varied dating history, I’ve met more than a few men who were members of the “unexamined mind” club.
NOT to make excuses for him – he *possibly* thought you were blowing him off (didn’t think it through), so he retaliated quickly in a confusing manner.
You probably won’t be thrilled spending time with somebody who reacts after snap judgments (I wouldn’t be) – but I’d probably take a careful second look if he initiated contact, in case there was something else going on. As long as he could tolerate a bit of discussion, that is (tough on line, however).
If I saw any signs of argumentative or passive/aggressive behavior, etc., I’d point out how it hit me, then watch to see whether he comes back with an apology or explanation or digs himself in deeper. At which point, if he hadn’t already cut and run, I’d probably tell him that we were too different and probably wouldn’t be very good together.
There’s nuance needed for my comment to come across as intended – tough format for emotional info usually conveyed by tone of voice. I can see a few ways to read it – even though I intended to be supportive of YOU.
It’s why I don’t prefer brief format exchanges like tweeting, texting, email (and online support chat boxes – lol) but I guess it beats the penpal relationships of history however.
I miss the good ole days, when people had time for actual back and forth conversation!
xx,
mgh
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My first thought was that he assumed I was blowing him off too, which is why I offered a brief explanation as to why I wouldn’t be signing on – I wasn’t intentionally blowing him off. I am just living life. No oddball messages today, so we’ll see what tomorrow brings, if anything. That may have been the end of it all. I appreciate your support and did not take it as anything else! I know you have my best interests at heart. I feel like between the two of us we could probably write rooms full of stories.
By the way, I’ve been meaning to tell you that I did stop following that coach who was pushing the Trump agenda after all on Twitter about a week after we discussed him. He lost me when he started running polls.
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Good for YOU! I’d have kicked that coach to the curb too. I tend to prefer a little more inclusivity support in my coaches. 🙂
LOL – Together, we could probably write The Encyclopedia of Lessons Learned the Hard Way! (not a bad book title, actually)
I actually hope the i’net guy does NOT get back in touch. I have a sneaky feeling you could do better. You deserve a great communicator.
xx,
mgh
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I don’t think he is going to contact me again; I am getting the vibe that he is really intense and that everyone just isn’t smart enough for him (which is ridiculous because you and I can read him like a children’s book). Back in my 20s when I first started dating, I put on my cosmic wish list that I didn’t want a man with a hairy back. Now I’d just like a man who isn’t a liar or an addict and is financially responsible. You know.
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Hairy back – lol. I’ll go with your amended list – but he has to be driven to communicate. I don’t care much for the strong SILENT types. 🙂
xx,
mgh
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Madelyn! He said, “Long time no hear” tonight! Hahahahaha!!!!!
Oh god, I needed that comic relief. It feels like all the chaos that was happening earlier today was put right again by those four words and his predictable instability. 😉
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NO WAY! Clue-free, huh?
xx,
mgh
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[…] exchanges on OKCupid (you can fill in your own adjectives). The first was from the guy from this post where we didn’t get very far before it got […]
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