Yes, All Women

The thing that gets me is that we women tend to carry these emotional burdens as our own secret parcels until someone else recognizes them. This young woman experiences the rarer form of bodily violation: the stranger rape. Through her letter to her attacker and thanks to the outrage that most of us feel over the stupidly light sentence he received, we have all been made aware of what happened to her that night and at the trial. It was especially difficult for me to read that one of the Swedish men who came upon the attack was so upset that he broke down in tears while giving his statement to the police. It gives me hope that not every man is being raised to be an asshole like the rapist obviously is.

In the bigger picture, nearly every single woman I know has experienced sexual violence. In my late teens, one young woman was raped by my friend; I cut off all communication with him despite his pleas. She chose not to press charges (because who would believe her?). My own first sexual encounter was violent – the guy didn’t believe that I was a virgin because “virgins don’t move like that” and he left me cut and bruised everywhere including my mouth. Over the years, various men have told me what I liked rather than listened to me if I told them they were being too rough or actually scraping or cutting my lady bits, and they would actually press or bite harder. I found out an ex-friend tried to force himself on one of my best friends within the last year and was outright pissed because she threw him out of her house. After all, he has a penis and therefore a right to her body is his line of thinking. How dare she tell him no?

That’s the stuff that’s even more difficult to prove. If that young woman can’t even make a convincing case for why it’s not okay for this asshole to drag her behind a dumpster and violate and mutilate her while she’s unconscious, what can the rest of us do with the men that are in our social circles who violate us?

3 thoughts on “Yes, All Women

  1. Awesome post. Men can be so fucking disgusting. My ex was sexually aggressive and violent and abusive and honestly, it fucks with you for a long time, like post traumatic stress almost. The case you are mentioning has been all over our news. What a joke. Pathetic sentence. Disgusting….and yet theres innocent people on death row, man wtf !

    Liked by 1 person

  2. They get away with horrific acts. This guy got caught…unfortunately, the “norm” where I live is much as that rapists’ father. When I was raped about 20 years ago, police didn’t even make a report, and my doctor told me “some guys just like it rough”(a male doctor. I believed there was something wrong with me. It messed up my way of thinking about relationships. Great post.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. I’m so sorry that you had that experience, and I wish so much that none of us lived these experiences, or that we belonged to this not-so-exclusive club. How is it we can explore space but we can’t stop raising boys to be rapists?

      Liked by 1 person

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