Just The Tip

For the life of me, I cannot remember who worked this joke into their standup (though I could have sworn it was Eddie Murphy or someone else who was quite popular in the mid-80’s). The premise is something along the lines about said comic complaining about how when it came time for him to get a blow job, his dates were less than enthusiastic. They grabbed his penis like a microphone, gave the tip a lick or two like a lollipop, and then looked at him with expectation and asked, “You good now? That okay?” That counted as oral sex in their minds. Their mouths came in close contact with the comic’s junk, so good enough. I mean, there’s nothing more intimate than having your face in someone else’s parts and getting a close-up inspection, is there? He should have just been thankful that he got a couple of licks because that’s all he was gonna get.

I bring this up because this routine is always what goes through my mind whenever I interact with a friend or family member who checks on my status:

Friend: How are you?
Me: I’m still having health problems.
Friend: So you’re better now?
Me: No, I’m actually worse now.
Friend: Oh, but you’re better now, right?
Me: Not at all.
Friend: Okay, we good now? Stay positive!

So, are we good? Well, no, actually. Especially since I have this conversation multiple times a day with people who don’t have any connection to each other, and I am at a loss as to why this keeps repeating. When I try to get to the bottom of how they could have possibly come to that conclusion that I’m okay, I realize that it has to do with lip service every time. They want to brag that they went down on me without actually having done it.

Since I’ve vowed to live an authentic life and not fake my orgasms, I am being truthful when people are asking me about my current status. It’s making them uncomfortable but I’ve decided not to apologize for it. As we enter the summer months and the air pressure, humidity and temperature jump around hourly and the pressure in my head goes haywire, I will struggle more. No amount of wishing for rainbows and puppy dogs will change it.

9 thoughts on “Just The Tip

  1. definitely story of #chroniclife – but I sometimes get what I call the oily hand job of “Oh by the way…can you???
    Um, really…actually now? No. Fuck off….

    but I’m nice & just say “Sorry my plate is full.”
    I wish they could just even once ask me, you, or someone else how they’re doing for a check in without actually asking for a “favor” too. Not all people I know do this of course, just the most annoying ones.

    I almost want to ask for an address so I can send them a box of rocks & say “Wize up, K? We even now? Don’t say I don’t ever do anything for you.”

    Is that too sarcastic? Would that send me straight to the fire & brimstone? 🙂 Probably, lol. Wouldn’t want to tarnish or bend that halo LOL.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Yes they want to say they did, but they didn’t.

    I can’t stand lying. How am i? Shitty, thanks for asking.

    I have a friend who text me almost every day with the same words “how are you today?”
    Really I think that line is on speed type on her phone.
    I used to tell it like it is. And ask how she is. She would then say she’s okay, and b that’s it.
    Really, that’s it.

    Now I’ll ften text her first, if she’s okay, great, have a good day. If I’m asked I often say okay.
    Note neither of us normally say we are fine, or good, or bad….just okay.
    It’s an odd ritual.
    But it makes her feel good that she keeps in touch with me.
    As if she really knows anything about me.

    I’m not going to fake it.
    Or put out more than I’ll get back. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • I am sure she tells everyone that she is one of your best friends and she would do anything for you, and if they want to know anything they should ask her first because she has the inside scoop.

      Liked by 1 person

      • If she lived near me probably. I think she’s the martyr type. She has to feel she is doing something great, something meaningful, even if it isn’t.
        Then she’ll get all upset if someone isn’t appreciative.
        You know she doesn’t have to put out at all, right? LOL
        The way it is now, she’s a tease.

        Liked by 2 people

      • So, I guess that would make her a…crip tease???
        I think my next post or soon-to-be-post is going to be all about the friends who make a big deal about making offers of help but don’t follow through.

        Liked by 1 person

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