Is It Hot In Here, Or Is It Just You?

I was getting caught up on some episodes of the Tonight Show hosted by my secret boyfriend Jimmy Fallon (because he doesn’t know about our relationship). The musical guests were Joe Perry (whom I used to be hot for in the ’90’s – anyone remember the “Rock the Vote” campaign in the 1990’s on MTV??), Robin Thicke (who seems to be the ultimate misogynist) and Pitbull (who makes questionable sunglasses choices but seems to be a fun guy).

I noticed Pitbull was packing some serious heat. I mean, I don’t know if he gets an erection every time he performs (new meaning to getting pumped up??) or if he was a little excited because he had a lot of curvy women prancing around him. I wasn’t the only one who noticed. I imagined the producer or whomever was calling the show yelling into everyone’s headset, “Pan up! Tighten the shot! Jesus H., he’s got a chub!” The camera shots were pulled way back, or they shot only from the waistband up when they realized that wasn’t a sweat sock stuffed down his pants.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Jimmy Fallon will never ask Pitbull to be in a “Tight Pants” sketch.

I don’t usually look at men’s crotches. This might be old-fashioned of me, like I am having a hard time accepting the concept of the skinny jean or fitted suit pants. Sometimes I feel sorry for men having their goods on display as a direct result of these particular clothing trends being popular. But then again, my girls are often propped up and accentuated for everyone’s perusal, and I lose some of my pity when I remember that.

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2 thoughts on “Is It Hot In Here, Or Is It Just You?

  1. And hey, they don’t have to wear those tight pants, now a days anything goes.
    I don’t know why but this reminded me of something I saw that I wish I hadn’t.
    Probably the public display of crotch.
    Once when I was in a fast food joint there was this old man sitting at a table across the way just eating, drinking. ..normal stuff you do.
    I happened to glance down and the man had shorts on that had ridden up a bit and his junk was hanging out the leg.
    This old guy was just sitting there going comando with a dong long enough to hang out of his shorts.
    I really don’t think he knew it; a pervert would want to see people’s reactions.
    He was oblivious.

    But how do you say, “excuse me sir, I think you need to adjust your shorts so they cover your penis”?

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    • Ahahahaha!!!!! Good lord. Your story prompted me to remember something similar, except the guy was not old and therefore had no excuse. Some friends and I were at an amusement park and I got stuck with a stranger for a roller coaster ride. He had denim cutoff shorts, but they were more like Daisy Dukes, because guess what was rolling out of the bottom??? I was still about 7 years away from getting up close and personal with male appendages and I remember thinking it was so gross, like a baby’s arm with elephant skin. I still wish I could unsee that.

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