Digging for Gold

This morning, when I retrieved my mail while I was waiting for my sister and her husband to arrive, I received a notice from the Social Security Administration regarding my disability appeal. They said:

*You have the ability to stand and walk without assistance. (That’s a blatant lie – I use my cane for everything.)
*You have the ability to use your hands and arms to perform tasks. (Apparently it’s not a requirement for me to see what I’m doing.)
*You are able to get along with other people for short periods of time. (It’s called Minnesota Nice, bitches.)

“We do not have sufficient vocational information to determine whether you can perform any of your past relevant work. However, based on the evidence in the file, we have determined that you can adjust to other work.”

What would be really helpful is if they included a list of employers who had job offers for me and would not require me to be upright at any time. I can’t see well enough to travel to a location outside of my home, and most employers at least want an interview. So their insistence that I work “somewhere” is pretty weak, considering they don’t have an prospects lined up for me. (I don’t want to hear, “That’s how they do it.” I know they’re assholes.)

The next step is for my attorney to file a request for a hearing, which I understand takes 12-15 months to occur. In the meantime I’ll continue to go to doctor visits and try to find someone who can put a name on this disease and tell me what to expect.

This morning I went to the surgeon’s office at the U of MN to have my wound checked. When he put a fair amount of pressure on it, I started yelping, which led him to believe that there is still some pockets of pus hanging out back there.

Rather than going through the process of shooting me up with Lidocaine and slicing down deeper and purging out more junk, the surgeon took the stick end of a swab and used that to dig around in my wound – think of it as a meat tenderizer, he just kinda made hamburger out of my flesh – without any topical numbing whatsoever. I broke out in a sweat and I had tears rolling down my face. I knew I had to lay still but I was also fighting to get away from him and just make the PAIN STOP.

He said he was stepping out for a few minutes to allow the bleeding to die down; about 10 minutes and a good, sobbing cry later, his nurse came in to re-dress the wound. I’m glad I had that time to myself.



13 thoughts on “Digging for Gold

  1. “We do not have sufficient vocational information to determine whether you can perform any of your past relevant work”

    Looks like you need to provide this information, although I don’t know what that would entail. Seems like you need one of your doctors to do a functional capacity evaluation. Of course, if you have an attorney, you probably already know this. It’s just that many doctors don’t know how to do a proper FCE — either it’s incomplete or the doctor uses language that can be misconstrued and used against you.

    Before a doctor touches me, I want to know what’s going to happen. I want to be prepared. In fact, before a doctor touches me, I say, don’t use your thumbs. (Thumbs can exert more pressure, and if a tender spot is found, I just might hit back.)

    “So, dude, you wanna dig around in my wound? Yeah, not until I get some lidocaine first. Did you just see me flinch when you applied pressure? And you want to make the pain worse? What, are you a masochist or a doctor? I’ll tell you what, I’ll grab your balls, and if you hurt me, I’m gonna hurt you.” 🙂


    • Ahahaha!! He was kind of whistling to himself as he was getting everything ready, kind of like how you use soothing tones before you trap an animal. Afterwards I thought to myself, “He’s a fucking sadist.”
      As far as the vocational stuff goes, I filled out pages and pages of info. My attorney expected to have me reword some things before he sent it off, but he said that it was so good that he wanted to send it in as is. Of course, I have no idea what all of the doctors said in their paperwork, and I realize that it could be very different from what they put in the notes from our visits. My PCP told me she would be “very surprised” if I was turned down for disability this round, so when I see her next week, I guess I’m going to have to “very surprise” her.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Figuring out the Social Security Disability system is like learning a new language. I could never figure out why I was approved, and my attorney also appeared to be clueless. It wasn’t until last year that I found out that SS had approved me for disability under Major Depressive Disorder and fibromyalgia, two conditions I don’t have. Last year, my long term disability insurance was terminated in part because it considers fibro to be a mental health claim, only good for 2 years of coverage. I sent a letter to SS and Medicare almost a year ago about all this and have yet to receive a reply. Grrrrrrrrrrr 🙂


      • It’s NUTS. Fibromyalgia has been one of my diagnoses for almost 20 years, but I never requested disability for it. I was also told that I would likely be sent for a physical eval. However, they sent me for a psych eval – the evaluator said I was definitely disabled in that area – but the SSI denied me for not being depressed enough. It’s like the facial paralysis and vision problems are an afterthought. Dumb, dumb, dumb. I am sorry you are having to go through all of this crap too.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. God the system is so crazy I know at least having a diagnosis helped me qualify but the system is just insane and totally antiquated – ugh I hope for the best with your appeal so you can finally get what you need and deserve.


    • I chat about this on Skype with my friend I’ve known for decades who grew up and lives in Worcester. I kind of have a decent understanding of what you have to go through over there, and it’s disheartening that if I lived there, I wouldn’t be punished like I am here – and that’s just to try to get my very small portion of the social safety net that I’ve been paying into for decades. Right now I have absolutely no income coming in, and it looks like I probably won’t for another year or so, but I still have to pay for my apartment and utilities.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s