Yesterday I posted an article on Twitter from The Good Men Project site.
http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/bots-wedding-feminism-marriage-cost-jrmk/
With the post, I said, “If men are butt hurt by women having careers and their own income, they’re not worth marrying.” Then I included the hashtag #feminism.
I always, always hesitate to include this hashtag. It’s not because I don’t believe in equal rights – I do – but some days I’m just not up to being attacked. There are a multitude of men on Twitter who create mask accounts and watch hashtags like “feminism” because they immediately jump on that thread of conversation to argue with women and tell us we don’t know what we’re talking about, and that we’re stupid, and that we don’t know how to read, and that we are emotional, and that we are fat, and that we just need a good dick to stick it to us.
The first kid that jumped in wasn’t using very strong language. In fact, he was a lot less forceful than the others, but I am thinking this is because of his age; as he gets older and continues to buy into this thought process that men are the “victims” of feminism – rather than understanding that a more equalized and emotionally connected society brings happiness and contentment to most rather than just a select few – he will become more and more angry and disillusioned about his life. When I remarked upon the fact that the ex Dumb and Angry wanted to shoot me because he felt threatened by me earning my own income (that was behind the fight I had to call the cops on), at first the kid said he didn’t know if that was true, but if it was, he wouldn’t continue discussing this topic because I would only be able to see my own experience. I keep saying “kid” because I’m guessing this one can’t be a day over 19. His next argument was that his dad wanted to be the breadwinner and his mom wanted to stay at home, though she ended up having to work. Did I deny those people exist? On the contrary, I absolutely know they do, and told him he can still find them in the 1950’s household fetish group on FetLife. I’m not speaking for them. I’m speaking directly about the men who feel threatened about women earning their own wages.
Another guy jumped in. I’m not sure if his picture was actually of him, but I’m guessing him to be about 27. His first statement was something like, “What if men won’t marry because when they divorce, the ex gets custody?” My reply was, “What if you’re assuming the sole purpose everyone gets married is to procreate and overpopulate the earth?” Then he started MANSPLAINING. He was alternately condescending and insulting. I could tell that he’s been hating on women for a very long time and participating in these “manosphere” groups and picking up their vocabulary. At one point he told me I must be “thick” if I didn’t understand what he was saying. I had restated his argument as “Marriage = children = divorce = custody.” He also pulled up some statistics saying that men work harder and longer than women (not taking into account, of course, that the imaginary children he was so worried about would be taken care of first by his imaginary wife – meaning, if the imaginary children got sick at school, the imaginary wife is traditionally the first one called if she can be reached to pick them up from school, therefore she misses work. We were also missing a chart that allotted time for each spouse for household chores like laundry, cleaning and yard work. Guys, the work doesn’t end when you leave your job). Then he started using the ultimate phrase that is the favorite of all white men from ages 18-60, and that is “strawman.” It didn’t matter what I said, he made sure that became a regular part of the exchange. Then he started calling me pet names (adding to the condescension), so of course, I used them right back. At one point I said something like, “Oh, Bunny, it will be okay. I’m sure some women will worship you – or at least you will tell them they do.”
A third man jumped in. My guess is that he is, again, white and probably around age 47. He said he would never ask “her” because if they got divorced, she would get custody of the kids and he would be ruined financially. He did not use any punctuation. Basically, his argument was the same as the 27-year-old’s: Marriage = children = divorce = custody (with a little child support thrown in). My guess is that he has already procreated with a long-term girlfriend and works at a job that he greatly dislikes; he’s one step away from living in mama’s basement.
A fourth kid (again, maybe 19-22) jumped in and said to me, “You’re a fucking retard.”
A fifth guy cutely said I just needed to get shagged. The 27-year-old agreed, then crowed about how happy he was being a white guy living in Asia (thereby revealing his oh-so-common fetish for Asian women as complacent sexual servants).
So a couple of accounts were reported for being abusive. Keep in mind I didn’t know these guys before they jumped my shit for including the hashtag #feminism. I wasn’t hanging out on the hashtags they use to talk about how stupid women are. They came over to my side to call me an idiot and a retard.
Today a friend sent an article without knowing what had transpired on Twitter. It very well could have been written about these guys. Why it resonates so deeply with me is because it seems to be EVERY man I encounter on OKCupid: not a single one I have interacted with has been interested in a relationship and commitment; rather, they want to fuck as many women as they can, and they are constantly on the lookout for a better choice. It happened most recently with Nashville, and with the guy who is currently separated and probably going to go back to his wife, and with countless others before them. Motherfucking internet.
“The systematic, quantified pursuit of women tends to make men bitter and resentful.”
This statement was written by the author of “The Game” as well as the most recent book, “The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships.” He’s a male who has fallen into the trap of fucking around and always looking for the next best thing, never placing any value on the person he is with, and he has fought his way out of that harmful thinking multiple times. There’s a whole subset of vocabulary used in the manosphere. I invite you to read the article below. It’s the most enlightening thing I’ve read in a very long time – mostly because I realize that it’s not my imagination, and that men are actually congregating and deciding to be heartless, nasty, promiscuous, belittling, dissatisfied, condescending, derogatory and abusive. As was pointed out in the article, all of them have missed the conclusion of each book where the writer talks about how all of that behavior is destructive to the man (and women).
As one of the guy’s grandmothers pointed out, “We’re women too.” Women are not anonymous islands; we are just as interconnected as men in our roles in this society. We are mothers, daughters, aunts, granddaughters, friends. Violence carried out on women affects ALL women. It’s not okay to punch your girlfriend and then turn around and kiss your mother.
It’s a long article, but I promise you, it’s absolutely worth the read from beginning to end:
http://nymag.com/thecut/2016/01/jared-rutledge-pickup-artist-c-v-r.html#
As a side note, no one – male or female – joined in this conversation to speak up and say, “Hey, it’s not okay to call her “thick” or a fucking retard or say she just needs some dick.”
The Sick and the Dating 
I was playing Hearts online last night with three dudes. On this site, there’s a place you can input comments while you’re playing. One of the guys got irritated about the cards that I passed to him at the beginning of the game, calling me a faggot in the comments. So, I told him I wasn’t interested in playing with him anymore, bye. Seriously, it’s a waste of time to try and change some people’s minds, especially if they have a problem with feminism.
Men have pretty much ruled the world so far, and they’re ignorant if they think they haven’t screwed everything up. Whenever we get a female president, it will be just like when all the hatred and racism bubbled up when President Obama was elected. (For example, gun sales went through the roof.) I just saw an article about one of the NFL teams hiring a woman coach, and of course the outrage on the part of ignorant little boys was swift and expected.
Sometimes I feel a little sorry for men, but it’s not my fault that some of them refuse to move with the times. The guys who are spreading hate and misogyny on the internet are the same ones who are racist, homophobic, and quite frankly, scared.
What, dude, you have a problem competing with a woman? I don’t have time for a bunch of scared little boys.
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I never try to change anyone’s mind, but if I feel like I have the energy, I will stand up for myself.
Yes, the Arizona Cardinals hired a female coach. Not head coach, mind you, but a coach nonetheless. I know tons of men who are losing their shit. They bitch about things like “women aren’t drafted” and “women can’t do the hard work that men do.”Well, if we take up these positions, men can’t complain that we are taking those positions. You can’t have it both ways.
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Ugh, mansplaining. How distasteful. And it’s very interesting that you bring up Neil Strauss and the manosphere. I’ve found that not all PUA’s fall under the nasty “red pill” arena. My eyes were opened to the actually very sensible side when I watched some videos with my partner and read some of the work of another self help relationship guy, David DeAngelo. A lot of the material is actually relatively neutral – a big problem is in the way many men use it. Perusing these materials, I found almost all of it could be useful for women, as well. It sounds like those guys frothing at the mouth are the type of guys who ruin the dating thing for other men. As always, douchecanoes ruining it for the rest of us. Sorry you had to put up with that – and good on you for taking the courage to use #feminism. I still have hesitations about that for that very reason 😛
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There was a guy on a Facebook closed group that was “frothing at the mouth” as well, and to top it off, he was saying, “Feminists, you need to fix the disparity that men face regarding staying at home to take care of the kids while mom works.” We were like, “WTF, man? We don’t carry an ‘easy’ button in our super secret pocket or something.” Gawd, that discussion went on for days (and he made all the troll statements to me, as in I’m too ugly, I’m too fat, I’m dumb, “STRAWMAN”). I will have to check out David DeAngelo; I am already familiar with The Game.
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Oof, I’m getting frustrated just thinking about the level of bigotry residing in that man. And yeah, it’s interesting looking into various PUA guys. A lot of them have that “get rich quick” type style, but then there’s actually some insightful content buried beneath all the promises that you’ll find and get to keep a high quality woman. It definitely gives me food for thought when I’m looking for a mental feminism snack!
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Guys “frothing at the mouth” are generally new to MGTOW and are deep in what is known as “Red Pill Rage” – a natural reaction when a man realizes that everything he has been led and taught to believe is a lie. These men will grow out of it. The mature MGTOW thanks feminism for setting him free from social programming and how his own DNA driven imperatives are toxic to him in the 21st century. It is all rather simple. Experienced MGTOW don’t hate women, we are indifferent to them. What could possibly be the problem with that?
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The opposite of love is not hate; it is indifference.
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“What Happened to All the Nice Guys?”
I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I’d take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven’t figured it out.
What happened to all the nice guys?
The answer is simple: you did.
See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He’d tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn’t feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.
At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were “just friends.” Besides, he totally wasn’t your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn’t know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.
Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you weren’t dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren’t the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you’re single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, “What happened to all the nice guys?”
You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive “just-a-” friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren’t really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you’re upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he’d have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.
Fact is, now, he’s probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I’m sorry that it took the complete absence of “nice guys” in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.
So, if you’re looking for a nice guy, here’s what you do:
1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what’s right in front of you and grab ahold of it.
I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don’t really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.
If you were five years younger.
So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you’ve fucked yourself over. You’re getting older, after all. It’s time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn’t want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn’t fucking want you, now. and you really don’t want one now. What you want from him is emotional support and his paycheck.
Sincerely,
A Recovering Nice Guy
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This is hilarious. I was actually at my (male) friend’s house and had the pleasure of reading this aloud to him when it arrived, before I decided to publish it. His immediate response was, “This must be something he keeps on hand to copy and paste.” And his next response was, “Women aren’t slot machines. You don’t keep plugging money – or ‘nice tokens’ – in, with the expectation that you are going to get paid with sex.” So, dear dipshit Frank, you are hearing this from another man: No woman owes you, no matter how much you force boyfriend stuff on her. If you want a friend, then be a friend, but if you don’t, then get the fuck out. You make a lot of noise, but all you are really saying is, “But I’m a NIIIIIICCCCEEEE GUUUUUUYYYYYYY.” It means you’re not a nice guy, but you say it because you are trying to convince yourself and everyone else that you are. You’ve always been a dick. You’ve always felt entitled to payment. You’re just mad it didn’t work out for you.
Sincerely,
Someone who has always paid all of her own bills
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